Monday, July 23, 2012

The waiting is over

I have been here in the beautiful District of Columbia for almost 2 weeks now & my total world has be rocked, rolled and flipped upside down. Honestly, nothing about my life is the same. I mean sure, the basics are there, I am still healthy, happy and in student loan debt (who isn't though), but the day to day things are not. My relationship with Kevin is drastically different, where I live, what I do for a living, where I work, what I do on a Friday night, who I hang out with, the way I get around, my financial life, who I can talk to, who I hang out with, even who I talk to through out the day. It is all completely different than it was just a few short weeks ago.

Don't get me wrong, I am extremely wonderfully happy. I love the city, I love this life, I love having a place that I can decorate, I love waking up next to Kevin everyday, I love the history and the excitement, I love the metro, I love it all. But there is so much that I didn't think about when moving, or rather, that I forgot when I decided to move. Moving is nothing new for me. I get restless and anxious when I am in one place for too long. I don't know if that is because I have never found the *right* place for me, or if I am just a wandering soul who needs to constantly see new things and try new things. Either way, I am excited for what the future holds, because I cannot stand to be bored for too long. When I moved to California, I was seduced by the beach, sun and movie stars. I was going to find my self, figure out a career and really try to make it 'big' I was as excited for that adventure, as I am for this one, but my last venture was different in so many ways. For starters I was alone. I was moving in with family, and it was supposed to be for a summer. I was excited that first perfect summer was wonderful. I hung out with my awesome 10 year old cousin, we swam, we went on walks, went to the mall, it was a lot of fun. But when I realized I needed to extend my adventure, I went through a slump. I was actually all alone. I didn't have any friends. Sure my family was there and I was comforted by that. but I wanted to know people my age, who were on my path. Luckily I had school. I had a place where there were young people all over, who were awkward, excited and a lot like me.

I wouldn't necessarily say I had tons of friends in Southern California. I had my best friends Lesley and Rob; I had really great friends: All of my co-workers at Lincoln, Ashley Ramos, and a few from other jobs I had worked like Aerie, and then just a lot of acquaintances, if I ran into them at a bar, I was happy to see them, and would hang out. But there was something nice about knowing that these people were there. I could hit them up and see if anything was going to happen. Or just sit at home, with a bottle of wine, lesley, and episodes of monster in laws. It was great and comforting. I knew who I was, what I wanted and my life. I knew my schedule, I knew that I would have a pay check every 2 weeks. I knew what I wanted to do with a career, and I knew that I had a life.

Moving, as I said fulfilled the need I had for some adventure, but it made me leave a lot of things behind. As hard and challenging as it was having Kevin 2700 miles away, I knew what our relationship was. I knew when I would talk to him, what we would talk about, I knew the fights that we would have and what our special moments were going to be. I knew that I could pretty much do what I wanted, when I wanted. That has all changed now. For the better. Our relationship is great, it is strong and I still love him so much, but we are going into uncharted territories for both of us and we are both figuring out what it means and how we are supposed to react. We have new "spats" (I call them that because we haven't had a full on fight yet) about things that I didn't know would matter as much to him, or even me for that matter. We have been doing long distance on and off for the past 2.5 years, usually in like 3 month intervals (3 months of long-distance, then about 3 months time together then back again) this last stretch was 10 months long. We saw each other for 1 week every 6 weeks. It was honestly so hard, but it was comfortable. We always talked about when we were together, when we were not doing long distance, when 'our' life together was going to always seemed like a far off, distant thing that was probably never going to happen. and now it is here. It is that time, that "one day" and it is such a weird thing to re-adjust a lifestyle and relationship. It is even weirder how easy and natural it actually is. There wasnt a weird thing about it. It had been 3 months since I had actually looked at his face (he had no internet so skype dates were hard), to go from not seeing him in 3 months, to all the sudden living with him, its a huge change. It's been amazing, but it is scary.

Another hard thing is not having my own friends, or my own life. Going out, it is just Kevin and I which I love, or with his friends. Which is also great. But something that is needed in every relationship is time apart, time that you are doing what you love to do. Or even making connections with people outside of the relationship. I want friends so badly, and know that they will come but making that first step and meeting new people is so hard. It takes a lot of time. I had forgotten about that. Most of the time, the only real interaction I will have with someone, (In person, real conversations) is with Kevin (well besides the random interactions crazy people on the bus, checker at the grocery store, barista at starbucks, tourist asking me for help with the metros----side note, I LOOK LIKE A LOCAL!----) I feel like my worries and insecurities and desires to have friendship were anticipated by God, as he sent an old friend into my life. Having breakfast with her was needed more than she will ever know. It is just nice to know that in the city there is someone else that I can talk to. Another friend is coming in about a week and hopefully I can reconnect with her as well.

In many ways, the move here is better than I thought it would be. I have started working, made about $500. while that is no where near what I need to be making it is a start. I can pay all my bills this month and next. I have absolutely no regrets in this move, which is great, and my relationship with Kevin has grown so much stronger. I love the adventures we have gone on, the sights that we have seen, and all our plans for the future. Our plans seem to keep evolving with all the things that we want to do. I am so happy that I get to do the adventure this time with my best friend. That we get to finally be on the same page in life. Life in DC is nothing like I imagined, and yet it is everything that I imagined. Things feel good here, and I am excited to spend the next chapter of my life in this fast paced, urban setting. I am excited for the things that DC has to offer and excited to see where my career goes. I am excited to be at the place that I always talked about being. (to decode that gibberish, I always would say "i can't wait till I am with Kevin every day." "Cant wait till I am in DC" "Can't wait till I am on the east coast" "Cant wait for a change" "Cant wait..." for once in a long time I am not in a place where I cant wait....I can wait. I am happy and at this moment in time, I am glad for what I have, glad for where I am, who I am with, and excited to live right here. Not that I didn't before, and not that I have no further dreams and aspirations, but just that I am excited to live this year and this life and if generally nothing changes, I will still be happy.